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Words are amazing things. We use words to communicate to one another, but I know I can never tell you just how I feel. That phrase could strike deja vu in listeners across the nation! Repeated since the dawn of modern radio through our greatest hits, therein lies the greatest tragedy known to man: two star-struck souls fated to never intertwine. So try and try, each man and each generation, each word sung or spoken or written as a result, all of which so convincing pioneers of this not-so-new sentiment. Maybe because I know these words will sound completely different as they play in your head, maybe like an audio book or like William Shatner’s latest hit CD, that I continue to write the same story again and again, and continue hoping that one day the words will ring on your doorbell. No, this is all a fantasy; you will completely and utterly misunderstand me, without fail. All of my beautifully constructed sentences and cherry-picked vocabulary will go to waste, as we continue to ignore subtleties and the obvious double-meanings between the curls of Courier New. Oh, and do not forget the potent pauses, that silent killer, lurking behind every unspeakable thought. For all the ubiquitous blathering that goes on, for all this time, what a waste that I still don’t get you nor you me. Maybe the words aren’t what they used to be and the words have become like a mask. This is the mask I wear to the parties. This is the mask I wear to work. This is the mask I wear when you wear your mask. I suppose some people like to wear them, and it’s totally fine, I will enjoy the show and still write you a grand review. |
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Tom was a man well in his thirties, who spent his days working for a respectable financial firm in the swanky parts of downtown. He was a man of quiet, unassuming demeanor though cloaked smartly in the uniform of a businessman. Everyday, punctual as clockwork, he sat on a musty bench with a magazine tucked under one arm waiting for his mass transit one-stop ticket to his cubicle. In the thirteen minutes he allotted for the morning wait, he enjoyed the sounds of traffic, watching the mounted policeman trot their beasts about the street, and savoring the spicy flavor of toasted bagels covered in jalapeno creme cheese. Though many mornings were much like the last, one morning Tom could not find his favorite vendor pushing a pink and blue "Amol's Amazing Bagels" cart. The sounds of traffic were not nearly so soothing when accompanied by the sounds of his growling gut. As he waited impatiently for his ride, Tom suddenly noticed a child pulling herself beside him upon the old bench. Tom had decided to ignore her as any decent city citizen would his neighbor, until the sounds of tiny instrument struck his ear. She had begun to strum and sway on a miniature guitar. For a moment, wavering between annoyance and pity, Tom now saw her as a poor waif who must harass strangers and perform for pennies. Luckily for Tom, his ride arrived five minutes earlier than usual, with a far smaller outpouring throng to push through for a decent seat. He slid onto his favorite oily algae-green seat, which smelled dank with the musk of a thousand passengers. As Tom positioned himself for a customary nap, he noticed the waif from the bench had slid onto the seat beside him to continue her performance. Tom did not know what to do! He folded his arms and tried to squish himself out of existence into the window corner. He gave up quickly. Unable to sleep to the chords of C, F, and A major, Tom sat for the remaining hour in a state of pure, unadulterated frustration. The large white letters that signaled his stop were like the gates to pearly heaven sliding to a stop. Tom moved slowly with the masses to exit the car, following the sardine trail out of the station, then drifted into various pools of pedestrians waiting for blinking white lights. They flooded the streets and were gathered up again by tall, majestic monuments of steel and concrete. Tom was genuinely relieved that the poor girl had not trailed him through the crowd and continued to serenade him at his cube. From his twenty-four stories high view, Tom had a very stressful task of helping rich men grow phenomenally richer, a job which he felt would eventually pay off likewise. However, as soon as he had felt the relief of silence, he discovered a memo screaming of unemployment and financial demise. Tom's sense of self worth and sense of the world came toppling about him with the words marked on the note. A tap of the hand pulled him from his state of shock. A familiar street musician offered her hand. "We shall be very good friends now, won't we?" Tom smiled and took her hand. |
worlds meet
realities fade
thunder lights bonds in grey dawn
old friend
we meet again
paint the river green
red packets
content sleuth
daydreams of ruined trails
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Wipe the sweat from your brow. Rise from the hearth and dust off those ashes upon your sleeves. Do you see men of power, wealth and fame toiling these long hours by the flame? No, they merely complain, bitterly, how little they have and just how little more they need. For the cost of a single gripe, these men are heaped with the rewards of their labor. But you, my friend, you are the very low of the low, you are the downtrodden, you are the flesh that feels the bleeding edge of envy. Covet not, my friend, you have no where to go but to rise, reborn with your hidden strength. Let those on their thrones fear as they have feared each sleepless night that one day their days will number. A new power, one which has been born and burned before, will spread its wings from the dying embers. When the fires of justice burn, perhaps, let your hidden wisdom guide your blind wrath. How many men and how many wombs have served as stepping stones to your final end? What pyrrhic victory when the path to justice is paved with the blood of the innocent. |
| » Learning Machines |
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I have always wondered about school as an institution. How could there be a predetermined track to success? Why is there a tacit mantra that goads students to high scores, that failure cannot be an option, and that warns of disaster when leaving the well-worn path? How could success be measured as a series of marks on paper, each one like stepping stones not to be missed? An institution of learning seems ironic at best. An institution implies an organization, something set and in place, yet learning is meant to be fluid and unconstrained by such bureaucracy. Institution reeks of bureaucracy. Perhaps, what the institution of learning teaches best is about the institution of society itself. One of the first things to learn about this institution is that it is very pricey because something must pay for its upkeep. Society recognizes paper on the scale of how much money it costs to create it, which serves to preserve the integrity of its value system. Once this paper is printed, after four years of delirious learning and burning that midnight oil, society takes that sweat-soaked paper to evaluate whether the student has been minted correctly. Yet, once the sweat has dried and bleary eyes have cleared, the tired student will find that many have succeeded by close encounters, maybe by wits alone, but certainly without the aid of the institution and its hefty bill. What is the difference between the perfect, factory-made graduate and the self-made one? One first difference that I observe between the two is that the perfect student achieves his perfection meticulously by avoiding all failure. An observation like this may seem obvious, but if the perfect student has few qualities of perfection, that leaves a very imperfectly educated person. On the other hand, the self-made person may not be able to avoid his weaknesses or stupidly attempts to defy this known weakness. The self-made man will fail and will fail often, whereas the perfect student will never truly know failure. The perfect student has learned well and has achieved a state completely devoid of failure. No one appreciates perfection, that perfectly shaped cog, like the machinery of institution. Now there is nothing wrong with being a perfectly shaped and necessary cog, because the perfect and happy little cog can spin along merrily for the rest of its working life. Should a cog ever attempt to fit somewhere else, they will feel the terrifying and new sensation of failure crashing upon them. Meanwhile, these self-made men grind against the institution feeling that friction in the form of weary discontent, and they wrestle their covers at night dreaming, or scheming, of ways to find their place in the machinery. Others may have already resigned themselves to finding their place. Yet when pieces are missing from the machine, only these men can fit the mold.
Jul. 20th, 2008 @ 10:35 pm
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| » I have nothing to do online |
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Now that I got Digsby, I found that having all of my major internet time wasters centralized to one location actually makes time-wasting very efficient. Apparently, I have become so good at wasting time, that it takes no time at all to do it. I had thought Digsby would be the email/social network/chat client application to kill all productivity left in me, but I was wrong. Digsby has allowed me to get back to doing a lot more work at work, and doing very little on my laptop at home. Oh, and Digsby works fine on Windows 7. I was just making sure it worked okay. =)
Now I just need an application to help me suck less at sleeping.
Today I was thinking about how powerful information is. Information workers are walking, breathing embodiments of information. I guess my greatest asset is the information I carry, which is why I am being paid at all. I am being paid to know things. How great is that? Now we just need a way for Google to query everyone's minds and give us the most relevant, telepathic results for answers to life's problems. That will be one open source challenge that no company can battle, I bet.
May. 30th, 2008 @ 01:54 am
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| » I am so hungry |
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I am absolutely famished and ravenous right now. Right now, I want
- a giant rack of baby back ribs dripping with bbq sauce
- french toast covered in bacon
- a giant bowl of udon soup with those pink things and slabs of cold cut chicken meat
- crunchy crunch chili and nacho cheese covered tortilla chips
- a big BLT jimmy johns sandwich
- a couple of burritos from Chipotle--and not just the wimpy naked burrito I always get--I want to bite and chew into a thick hearty burrito or two
Tomorrow I am going to get some congee to spice up my regular diet of jello, jelly, pudding, soy milk, apple sauce, and yogurt. I am so ready for solid foods that require chewing with teeth, even if my mouth isn't.
May. 11th, 2008 @ 11:55 pm
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| » maybe there is an alien in there |
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There is a formidable pain in my throat right now that enrages me so much that I cannot sleep. It tickles when I breathe and it feels like claws piercing through my ears when I swallow. My head hurts when I cough and it feels like my eyeballs are going to pop out of their sockets. I sound like a dying old man weezing from having smoked a lifetime of Marboro. I've tried all sorts of pills and losenges and syrups and doctors. The doctors were unimpressed by my lack of a fever and strep throat and totally Barack Obama'd me. My current plan of action is to strangle myself until I fall asleep through asphyxiation. Sorry this was an emo post of self pity because I'm sick.
Apr. 21st, 2008 @ 02:02 am
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| » Rambles and all in shambles |
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I don't have a lot of stuff to say. There isn't much rattling in this noggin of mine methinks. Not like before, when I would have super concentrated doses of cerebral juice that I had to squeeze out or I might poop myself. (Maybe I'm pretty regular now.) I notice that I don't have as much to say in person either. I'm just a terminally quiet person now, believe it or not! It's so terrible! It's so awkward at times. In those times, I have to keep scrunching my poor brows together, maybe induce a headache from thinking too hard, and mechanically induce words to flow from my lips. I'm starting to think I should keep a list handy of actual "things I should say when there is awkward silence." But this is what I've got so far: Things I do during awkward silences - So how's that Barack Obama thing? Does it blend? (I will probably be able to contribute about 2 minutes worth of conversation. I am American after all.)
- Make a really nerdy pun that everyone will get but no one will laugh at
- Crack a terrible joke that no one will laugh at because it goes against everything everyone believes in
- Make ironic remarks, quietly
- Deadpan and confuse the heck out of someone
Yup that's all I've got! Anyways, all I want to do is to do stuff, keep busy, not to stop to smell the roses, or have any time to really think about anything, and therefore have nothing to blog about.
Mar. 19th, 2008 @ 12:39 am
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| » An obligatory post to appease the Livejournal gods |
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4 movies you can always watch:
* Indiana Jones Trilogy
* Dude Where's My Car
* Black Hawk Down
* I really don't re-watch movies except those.
4 towns you lived in:
* Horsham
* Macungie
* Urbana
* Redmond
4 shows you like to watch:
* Battlestar Galactica
* Desperate Housewives
* Sarah Connor Chronicles
* The Office
4 websites you visit daily:
* twitter.com
* tumblr.com
* Livejournal.com
* facebook.com
4 favorite foods:
* Udon - except the beef ones
* Pho - with or without the creme puffs
* Salmon - except raw
* Sweet potato fries
4 places you'd like to be now:
* Chicago downtown, buying you a drink
* California, Golden Gate Bridge, pranking the suicide hotline ( this is just fresh on my mind thanks to F )
* Japan, wandering the streets
* In your pants... I dunno I got nothin
4 friends/Victims you want to take this survey:
* nope
4 catchphrases/quotes that describe you:
"You sorta go into hibernation. I think you have seasonal affective disorder." - A
"#2. Be So Busy You're Dizzy - Good drama requires us to be fully lost in our roles as actors on the stage, reading our reactive lines and getting engrossed in our stories. So wake up every morning, groan, splash some water on your face, brew up your caffeine fix, and get going speed racer, go! Have you answered all your emails today? Who needs a shoulder to lean on? Is there something on TV? Always make sure that your life and your mind are filled with clutter and free of those empty spaces between your thoughts that can threaten and disturb your absence of peace." - Overcoming Your Resistance To Ego Drama By Scott Kalechstein "I'm tired of everyone I know / Of everyone I see / On the street / And on TV, yeah / On the other side / On the other side / Nobody's waiting for me / On the other side / I hate them all, I hate them all / I hate myself / For hating them / so I'll drink some more / I'll love them all / I'll drink even more / I'll hate them even more than I did before" - On the Other Side by The Strokes (ok, um, I really like this song and just wanted an excuse to post lyrics.) "Oops."
Mar. 9th, 2008 @ 03:51 am
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| » A Modest Proposal |
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If I really had my way in the world or universe or whatever, the first thing I would change is that I would never have to eat or sleep. No, screw that, we'll just get right to the chase. The first thing I would do is become a sexy, killer robot; perhaps, I would be a robot that could eat if it wanted to, perhaps, a robot that could kill other robots if it wanted to. See, I don't think I'd be any less human if I were to become a robot as long as I had the option to kill and eat as I please. I can be a more sensitive robot than the rest if I chose to eat more than I kill! I do not watch too much tv! Female robots can run the emotional operating system that will malfunction for a few days once per month, but this will actually be fun because you go berserk and kill things and then you eat a lot! So yea, then you can elect me as the first female robot president. It'll be ground-breaking.
Feb. 27th, 2008 @ 01:09 am
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| » Seattle Tourism |
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There doesn't appear to be a viable tourism economy in Seattle, unless you count the Space Needle and the wacky things Paul Allen has doused the city with. Personally, I attribute this lack of city-whoring to the high numbers of jaded, educated people who would not be interested in spending money on obvious tourist traps. Or it could be the miserable rainy weather for three months, and the monotonous gray for another three months of the year. However, when you visit Seattle you are obligated to see the glorious, mandatory elevator, wander over to the wildly musical Experience Music Project, then obtain the free pass to the Science Fiction Museum, and maybe see some game, show, or a Barack Obama at the Key Arena just because you're over there anyways. From this "convention center" area, I'd chart a course via the world's most useless rail, which goes direct to the mall at Westlake Center. Westlake Center is the hub of ridiculously expensive shopping in downtown Seattle, but you can always find Needless Markup next doors if the city-slicker, metro boutiques haven't bled you dry. Next, hop on the express 545 bus, chug past the Street Car named SLUT (I have yet to ride the SLUT, yay I said it), and head on to International District and gape at the giant red arch of Asia, eat some delicious family style Chinese food at any of the fine, slightly shady looking establishments, drift over to Pioneer Square, where it's recommended you see the Underground Tour. I haven't seen it myself, but I heard there's a better non-pg version. Having walked around Pioneer Square, I really like the feel of antiquity and the quaint independent shops for daytime wandering. You can stay thereabouts for clubbing at Trinity, rumored to be the best nightclub the city has to offer, or for a bit more night time urban hiking, get over to Belltown or Capitol Hill, where you will find plenty of dining and dancing. I got nothing for these two hotspots, but my personal favorites so far have been around the Ave in University district, and the posh areas of Kirkland's man-made waterfront, where they have a wine and beer tasting in the summer. For the beer lovers, Red Hook Brewery which is supposed to have a nice tour of its plant, (you also get to smuggle a free shot glass away from your samplers), and there are some other local hops brewers in the more remote areas of this county I'm sure. I also really like the Convention Center areas when they do the FolkLife Festival and the Taste of Seattle. I like when they cordon off UW streets for the street fair (nothing like arts and crafts with carnival food), hold a Taiwanese Night Market on the Hub lawn (so I can pretend to be a college student again), hold the three day three night Tango festivals (milongas are fun!), and madness for some people that can be the Seattle film festival (I saw a celeb!). In August there's a Seafair festival where people dressed as pirates ride around on motorized land-boats and make a general ruckus, and these pirates often haunt a bar noisily in Greenlake. I've heard that Dick's Burgers are the best place in Seattle to get cheap, fast, walk-thru burgers, around midnight, and also BillG likes them. On the other side of Lake Washington, FatBurger is supposed to be the preferred local chain. I wouldn't know though; I don't eat those horrid meat patties in bread.
Feb. 19th, 2008 @ 12:57 am
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| » Time wasters |
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It would not make sense to get a WACOM tablet or a tablet PC just so that I can continue my senseless obsession with pictochat, would it? I do like my chatting programs though (a little too much), but between these big three I am certainly maximizing chaos. I do like chaos. That should be my official motto. Chaos: I like it. Anyways, I tire of verbal chat. That's what email and work instant messaging is for. From now on, I decree that only pictochat or lolcats or audiochats are deemed fun enough for non-work chatting, but of course my decrees are about as good as Monopoly money.  
Feb. 15th, 2008 @ 10:48 pm
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| » Following on Twitter |
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 Sometimes at work, I like to eavesdrop on the world. By that, I mean I like to follow Microsoft on Twitter through GChat from within Gmail... It almost like a keyword based global chat. My favorites are the ones that begin with "dear microsoft":
Dear Microsoft: Enough with the Silverlight Dear Microsoft,
Think we still need work on Windows Mobile memory management/availability. Thanks for improvements in WM6. Love, your user. Aww, so cute. Writing to Twitter is kinda like writing to Santa. Anyways, I really like Twitter because it accurately reflects the state of my creative, virtual-self lately: squirrel-y. I've got to queue up these acorns--all twitchy-like--, these gems of half-thoughts and fragments, to shore up for a long, harsh winter of sensory flat-lining. Even as I write this, I'm already tired of Twitter, and I've signed up for Tumblr. I told you I was analogous to a squirrel. If Twitter is for people who can only be bothered by single sentence updates on those they follow, then Tumblr is for the Twitter folks who can't be bothered to read half of the time except when it's 20 pt font. If the trend continues, I'll sign up for Dumblr, and it will cut to the chase and flood my inbox with all the spam I can ever use. This week marks the first week I've gone cold-turkey on coffee. Nope, I lied, I had a few cups. I'm not addicted. LiveJournal tags: microsoft, twitter, coffee
Jan. 18th, 2008 @ 11:05 pm
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| » Bye-bye Bill |
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I was watching Bill's last keynote @ CES 2008 today, but really you all need to see just this: And if you've got time a-plenty, there's a guitar hero stunt at the end of the note worth watching: And finally, on a note of pure nerdism, hi-def video streaming across wireless USB to herald a future of portable-multiple-monitors: LiveJournal tags: bill gates, CES, WUSB, hd
Jan. 7th, 2008 @ 08:38 pm
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| » pretentiousness: now in techni-color! |
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But seriously, I'm liking the art and it actually isn't a mass reproduction. I'm really starting to appreciate industrial designers for embracing the tech side of things. Mostly, I'm praying for these designers to be influenced by a dystopian underwater city of the 1940's or some serious acid tripping... even both at the same time. And, these are the only two I have come across so far that fit the bill.
Jan. 2nd, 2008 @ 11:05 pm
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| » Meme too! |
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I'm stealing this from Sachin: a scandalous start to the new year. :O 1. What did you do in 2007 that you'd never done before
Started enjoying crappy pop music that they play at the clubs. 2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I didn't make any, never have, haven't started! I guess I have goals normally, but I don't make a fuss about them. 3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No, the circle of life is an omnious EKG flat line. 4. Did anyone close to you die?
Not that I know of.
5. What countries did you visit?
Nope, unless California counts as Mexico, or China... 6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007?
I'd like to have published a piece of fiction. 7. What date from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
If there were anything that could be etched into my memory, then it hasn't happened yet. 8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Xbox achievements? Well I got a ton by myself 9. What was your biggest failure?
I didn't get promoted to CEO. 10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Nothing but the anguish of wondering who I am and what I've become. 11. What was the best thing you bought?
Starbucks, I'm addicted for life starting '07. 12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Uh, what? 13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
My own, like infinite recursion. 14. Where did most of your money go?
I invested it into the big, bad market. Boy, that was not a good idea. 15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Mass Effect. I'm a dork, yea. 16. What song will always remind you of 2007?
"Il Pleut" by Emelie Simon, well not really, but it's always appropriate. 17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
happier or sadder? I'm not sure
thinner or fatter? thinner
richer or poorer? richer?
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
I wish I wrote more of anything, words, sentences, anything. 19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
I wish I did less of not doing more. 20. How did you spend Christmas?
At home, reading a book. 21. Did you fall in love in 2007?
No. 22. How many one-night stands?
No. 23. What was your favorite TV program? New one?
The Office 24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Hate is a lot of work for something that doesn't pay. 25. What was the best book you read?
Postsingular 26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Royksopp 27. What did you want and get?
Ummm.. don't know 28. What did you want and not get?
Bioshock 29. What was your favorite film(s) of this year?
Paris Je T'aime... because that's the only film I can think of right now. 30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 23, and it was thoroughly unspectacular. 31. What is one thing that would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
More money, more loving. 32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006?
Anything from Gap, JCrew, AE, H&M, BR, Urban Outfitters 33. What kept you sane?
Xbox, reading, dreaming 34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
BillG 35. What political issue stirred you the most?
Barak Obama's interest in technology. 36. Who did you miss?
Everyone from UoI 37. Who was the best new person you met?
I met a ton of people, all great 38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007:
The only person that you can always rely on is yourself, but if that fails, well you're gently caressed.
Jan. 2nd, 2008 @ 12:10 am
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| » gotta catchem all |
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Look at my neat spam-aquarium. There should be a fb app that allows me to level up when I collect enough of these..
Dec. 16th, 2007 @ 06:05 pm
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fionabunny's journal
